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iShares Short Treasury Bond ETF


Perfect!

It is just like cash, only it isn't cash. It's a professionally managed bond fund! Genius!

Check out the fund's chart. What's not to like? $2.4 billion in assets! Very popular!

July 20, 2009
Focus on short end of yield curve, PIMCO says

Focus as you patiently await the end of ZIRP! 5 years so far! But we really, really, really mean it this time!




This concludes today's sarcasm report. :)

Cambio reports the Internet was abuzz last week after President Barack Obama snapped a selfie at Nelson Mandela's memorial service.


To make matters worse, it turned out that the sign language interpreter at the service wasn't actually signing anything at all.

Naturally, the whole thing had SNL spoof written all over it and last night, the show tackled the "series of unfortunate events" in its cold opening.

In the skit, the show has their President Obama character (played by Jay Pharaoh) address the untimely selfie and some other important political issues, such as health care.

While he's speaking, he is joined on stage by a "sign language interpreter" and to be honest, we're not sure how Jay managed to keep a straight face through the whole thing.

Nuff said?

Click to enlarge.

Why would we need more repairs? What's the worst that could happen?







Have I mentioned lately that I have no desire to be a landlord? ;)

Evil pranks! And yet I cannot stop laughing, lol. Well, that's not quite true. A quick look back at that first chart stops me. Sigh.

Source Data:
BLS: Employment
St. Louis Fed: Population

The following chart shows the spread between the 30-year TIPS yield and the 20-year TIPS yield.


Click to enlarge.

The spread was clearly following the surface of Jeremy Siegel's head. I factored in something that most investors did not though. Yields would bounce off his left ear! Genius!

In all seriousness, we almost experienced an inverted yield curve between the 20-year TIPS and the 30-year TIPS. In hindsight (at least so far), the 20-year TIPS therefore became a relatively good buying opportunity. If the bond market is the stock market's smarter brother, then it would be hard to see it in this chart. Once the panic began, crazy things happened.

Some investors might find it difficult to invest in TIPS with his eyes peering at us like that, but all I see is Kilroy!


I'm not suggesting that Professor Kilroy is a high-level Allied spy, but there have been days when I've been convinced that he's working in counter-intelligence.



Jeremy Siegel


Shame on me for creating this chart. I just couldn't help myself! I have a twisted sense of humor and this was way too good to pass up. :)

Source Data:
St. Louis Fed: Custom Chart

August 7, 2013
Time for the gaming industry to take addiction seriously


Hey, perhaps this can be done in the tobacco and fast food industries too! Right there in the design stage!

As the new CEO of Philip Morris, it has come to my attention that cigarettes are very addicting. What can we do to stop that? I'm thinking the next generation cigarette could have a thin protective prophylaxis glued around it after it is dipped in breath freshening mouthwash. Let's brainstorm!

As the new CEO of McDonalds, it has come to my attention that Big Macs are very addicting. What can we do to stop that? I'm thinking that the next generation Big Mac could use unsweetened yogurt in place of the special sauce and the meat could be replaced with dried kelp. Let's brainstorm!

As the new CEO of 7-11, it has come to my attention that our Big Gulps are very addicting. What can we do to stop that? I'm thinking that the next generation Big Gulp cup and its straw could be mostly filled with resin to reduce both the quantity and the flow. Let's brainstorm!

Genius!

Here's the perfect ad campaign straight from Despair.com!

GERD -> BURP

PERD -> ZIRP

Got antacids? ;)

By Findalis
Monkey in the Middle

For my regular readers:

I have been in the hospital for the last 5 days, missed the first Seder night, and haven't been able to post in all that time.  So I'm posting these old posts for the holiday of Passover.

*************************************************************************

A young boy returned home from Hebrew school, washed his hands and sat down to dinner.

His father asked him what he learned that day in school.

The boy replied that the Rabbi told his class the most amazing story of how the Jews were rescued from the Land of Egypt and brought to the Land of Israel.

His father smiled and asked his son to relate the story the Rabbi told them.

"Sure Dad," the boy said.  "Now this story happened a long time ago, before the time of CNN.  Before the time of computers, and cell phones.  Before even TV.  I think it was in the 1920s or so it happened.

"Egypt was ruled by this guy named Pharaoh.  I think it means "Nasty Egyptian". And we Jews were his slaves. We didn't like being slaves and prayed to G-d to set us free. G-d heard our prayers and sent us a miracle.

"G-d  sent the IDF back in time to rescue the Children of Israel (I think they rescued the parents too.).  The Commandos diverted the Egyptian Army while the Children and their parents fled to the Red Sea (It was red because G-d turned the water to blood like in Zombie Killers 3.).  There the IDF built Pontoon bridges across the Red Sea for the people to go across.  When the Egypt Army tried to follow, the IDF blew up the bridges.

"Then this guy named Moshe Dayan (He is the head of the IDF, I think. Rabbi said he was G-d's greatest profits.) lead the Children of Israel (and their parents) to Mount Sinai where Moshe lays down the law, destroys the Golden Calf and leads them to Israel.

"But it took them 40 years because nobody had a GPS and Moshe would not ask for directions."

His father had a look upon his face that was a cross between total astonishment and WTF.  "Is this what the Rabbi taught you?"

"No Dad,"  the boy said.  "But you wouldn't believe the crazy story he did tell."

***********************************************************************

Actually I'm not sure that is not the correct story.  It could be giving that a certain Time Lord, his TARDIS and a few units of the IDF could have pulled it off.

But perhaps G-d did it this way:

From Chabad

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people's distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: "Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me." But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d's command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, "passing over" their homes-hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh's resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d's chosen people.

*********************************************************************

Or maybe not.  Any way that G-d performed the miracle of the Passover was the correct story. 

By Findalis
Monkey in the Middle

by Oleg Atbashian

Are you typically lost when co-workers discuss current events around the water cooler? Do you have trouble figuring out the national debt or who that Ben Ghazi dude is, but you know what’s on Kim Kardashian’s grocery list?

If you think you only deserve fun answers to all life’s questions … you’re right! This primer will help you look smart and morally superior in any political discussion. Just memorize these big words, explained in easy terms you already know from TMZ and The Daily Show:

BIASED: If you have a weird friend who goes to church and her parents are still married, that’s what they are.

ELECTIONS: These are like the Teen Choice Awards: the coolest and most popular wins. Democrats always win because they are cool and popular. Republicans are more like your weird friend’s parents.

DEBT CEILING: This is like Lindsay Lohan’s probation: by law, she should go to jail if she gets arrested, but we all know she won’t.

PUBLIC EDUCATION. Think Memento. Remember how the guy in the movie learned to go through life and fight enemies by relying on snapshots, notes, and tattoos? Public education does that on a national level as a free service.

IM-MI-GRA-TION: Whew, that’s a long word — just like that velvet rope outside nightclubs. When really fun people arrive, you just open it right up.

QUAN-TI-TA-TIVE EASING: Remember Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can, and how he printed his own checks? Well, that’s what the Treasury secretary, Tim Geithner, does. It’s really cool.

TRILLION DOLLARS: This is a silly number. If someone says: “The U.S. national debt has topped 16 trillion,” take it easy. Remember how Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to fifteen life terms while having only one life?

Once you owe more than you can pay, numbers stop making sense. Anything above that is free money; spend it fast so you can get more.

ECONOMIC STIMULUS: It’s like Whitney Houston upping her dosage to get the same high, always needing to use more and more to “chase the dragon.”

SE-QUE-STRA-TION: This is just a made-up word that Republicans say to make you feel stupid.

FAIR SHARE: Someone you know has three Louis Vuitton handbags and you only have one. As many as you can get somebody else to steal from them and give to you — that is your fair share.

ENTITLEMENTS: This is like celebrities getting a $30,000 bag of goodies for showing up to the Oscars, so that the givers get more street cred and respect. And votes.

FOREIGN POLICY: Think Lady Gaga’s world tour: it’s totally awesome but can also get weird — like, she’s hot in places like Europe and Japan, but gets booed and canceled in places like Indonesia.

IRAN: Think Robert Downey Jr. — he may be calm at the moment, but if he gets his hands on the wrong stuff, he could trash his neighbor’s house and pass out naked on the lawn.

MUSLIMS: These are like the blue people from the movie Avatar — they live in a magic tree and don’t need human technology or any of our laws like gravitation, because they have a miraculous energy source inside their planet. Humans must respect that, and send them humanitarian aid. But instead, an evil corporation from Earth brings drilling equipment; that’s why all humans get killed.

ISRAEL: This is like the evil corporation from Avatar that landed on the blue people’s planet.

OIL: Think magic energy source on planet Pandora that humans want to steal. Get over it, humans!

OCCUPY WALL STREET: People in this movement are fighting greed by forcing Michael Douglas’ character in Wall Street to give more money to the 99% of people like us. We need to support their stand against corporations by friending them on Facebook™ and re-Tweeting them on Twitter™.

MEDIA: The good media are like paparazzi and E! Entertainment who keep it real by telling us all the truth about interesting people. The bad media are like bullies who make good people look bad. Nobody listens to them except for your friend’s weird parents.

HIGH-CAPACITY MAGAZINES: These do not contain expensive perfume samples that you can rip out while waiting at your hair salon. See GUN CONTROL.

GUN CONTROL: If Naomi Campbell had a gun, she would be shooting at her maids all the time. Without a gun she just beats them with a cell phone and then gives them compensation. Everyone is alive and happy. As long as the government keeps guns away from the citizens, Rihanna and Chris Brown will always be together.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Think Brad Pitt, dashing A-lister who can’t do anything wrong.

FIRST LADY: She is like Kim Kardashian, only with other people’s money.

VICE PRESIDENT: Think Steve Carell, a lovable nincompoop who likes to make others laugh.

WHITE HOUSE: This is like Cribs, a really fancy pad where celebrities hang out and party instead of working.

MIDDLE CLASS: These are like the extras in movies — kind of important but nobody cares who they really are.

CON-STI-TU-TION: It sounds almost like Cosmopolitan, except it’s really old and has no make-up ads or sexy pictures, but some people are really into it, like Antiques Roadshow.

By Findalis of Monkey in the Middle

There are many rituals in accordance with tradition, but there is one tradition that very few people know about.

Shortly after a new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi of Rome seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected.

A new Pope's reign was shortly followed by a new Chief Rabbi. He was intrigued by this ritual and that its origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing.

When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, they faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, the Pope called him back.

"My brother," the Pope whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugged and replied: "We have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."

The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of kosher wine together; then with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover the secret at last." The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.

As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock —

It was a bill for the Last Supper — from "Moishe the Caterer."

Remark: that joke is probably as old as Papacy, but right now it's relevant again, for a while...

December 11, 2012
Give Away Your Money Before 2012 Ends

Done. Now what?

50 People You Wish You Knew In Real Life


One word: Hilarious!