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The signs of UNsuccess

I was at the Simmons Leadership Conference for Women in Boston about two months ago.
Arianna Huffington was on stage, and she asked a powerful question:

"Can we all agree that if you wake up in a pool of your own blood, that is NOT a sign of success?"

Though I was not sitting in a pool of blood, I was suffering. I had an increasingly painful migraine and felt like a hot poker was stabbing me in the eye.

I realized, while Arianna was speaking, my sign of UNsuccess was happening in that moment. It was the latest in a series of migraines, which were occurring more and more regularly.

What is UNsuccess? Success that comes at the cost of our mental, physical and emotional health.

After driving for two hours in the bright sun, unsure how I got home, the pain continued. More migraines. Lingering headaches. Every day for weeks.

There were endless doctors visits, CAT scans, blood work. You name it and it was poked, prodded, evaluated and dismissed as we tried to figure out what was wrong.

The Human Battery

While all this was going on, I had to be very mindful of where I was spending my time. I had responsibilities to my family, as well as work. Anything discretionary went out the window.

One day, while I was in the office, someone on my team observed that I looked better. She said "Oh, it's back today." What? "Usually I feed off your energy. Last week you didn't have any and I can tell it's back today."

On a good day, I might get a chuckle out of visualizing my team as a horde of energy-sucking vampires. With everything going on, it started me thinking seriously about energy. What comes in and what goes out.

I realized that my team -- and a lot of others in my life- - get a "boost" of energy when they interact with me. If they have a challenge, I help them break it down. If they don't know how to move forward, I help them find a path.

While I get back positive energy from the love, accomplishment, or self-improvement involved in these interactions, family, work and volunteer obligations may take more energy than they give.

The Energy Drain

As an introvert, I can fully recharge my energy by spending time alone. Reading, sleeping, exercising...things that I either don't take enough time for, or are sacrificed when work, family and others come calling.

At least until the headaches started.

When I had no energy to give, I had to focus on building my energy up for myself. To get out of bed. To get to work. To help my son with his homework.

I started creating boundaries and boxing commitments. I have no problems saying "no," but when I say "yes," I'm all in. I had to frame my "yes" responses and stop myself from going too far.

"Yes, I'll help you build a new website" used to mean I'd build you a fully-functional site in a few hours. Now it may mean a conversation and connection with someone that can be hired to do the work.

Managing Our Life Battery

I have been headache-free for a few weeks now. In that time, I have met and talked to many other women who suffer from some physical ailment or other.

What do we all have in common? A tendency to sacrifice time for ourselves in an effort to be there for others. To cancel doctor's appointments, eat poorly and skip exercise in the mad rush for work and family commitments.

We are superwomen. We can be all things to all people. But what's our kryptonite? What can stop us? Injury or illness.

The Voice of Our Subconscious

When we do not take proper care of ourselves, our subconscious will use pain as a way to get our attention. Just as when we do good things, it will reward us with increased energy and vigor.

Our bodies are the housing for our battery, or energy level. While we can pay attention to how much energy we are expending, and do more for ourselves that recharges the battery, we also have to take care of our bodies.

Doctors appointments, the dentist, the mad ache that won't go away but we hope isn't serious...they are more important than the school project or the work deadline. If we run at 200% for too long, and don't allow downtime to take care of ourselves, we will quickly go to 0%. And then there will be no projects and no deadlines.

We could be down for hours. Days. Months. Maybe permanently.

Successful Life Energy

Unlike the rechargeable batteries we buy, we can't get a new body. We have one life and have to be mindful about how we use it. Or abuse it.

UNsuccess is pretty clear. It's waking up in a pool of your own blood. It's a month of headaches that incapacitate you. It's your subconscious fighting for you to give yourself the same attention you give your work and family.

So let's commit to understanding what gives us energy and takes it away, wanting to be on the plus side of that equation. To taking care of the housing - our bodies - that need to be with us on our journeys. To occasionally putting ourselves first, so we can be who we need to be for others.


Have you had experience with energy drain? What advice do you have to stay on the plus side of the energy equation? I'd love if you could share your feedback in the comments to keep the conversation going

Only about 8 percent of people stick to their New Year's resolution. Food writer Megan Kimble is one of them. Back in January of 2012, the then-26-year-old made a goal to eat only unprocessed foods for a year. Kimble documented her journey, the lessons she learned and the changes she made in her new book, "Unprocessed: My City-Dwelling Year of Reclaiming Real Food," which helps simplify the challenge of subsisting on a mostly-whole foods diet.

Technically, almost all packaged food is considered processed, in the sense that it is made or grown elsewhere and is altered when it reaches the consumer (bagged spinach, for example, or frozen peas). But clearly, there's a major difference between bagged spinach and Spam, or cheese that isn't cheese. For her purposes, Kimble had her own definition for what she considered "unprocessed": anything that she could theoretically make or grow at home fit the bill. The author spoke with The Huffington Post about her 12-month experiment, which was sometimes isolating, mostly gratifying and required a ton of learning.

What made you give up processed foods in the first place?
It was a convergence of a lot of things. I had been reading and thinking about the environmental impact of our food -- how many fossil fuels it requires to grow and transport food, etc. Also I had been reading Michael Pollan's "Food Rules" and other books talking about how whole foods -- mostly plants -- are best for us. I'd been brewing on all of that for a couple of years and decided to take an unprocessed challenge. Initially, I hadn't made any sort of commitment. But for me, I'm definitely an all-or-nothing kind of person, so I knew I needed to give it a time frame. A year seems like a long time, but not forever. I knew with a year's time, I'd really have to investigate alternatives and see what I could live without.




What did your friends and family think of the challenge?
Processed is a spectrum. I had a few people be like, "All foods are processed foods so that's silly." This kind of opposition was actually a good thing -- it forced me to greater define my project and find out what I really meant. All food is processed, of course, but there's a difference between cooked vegetables and a bag of chips. I was lucky to have a patient, supportive group of friends. I'd go out to eat and ask a bazillion questions about the menu, and they'd just roll with it.

What was your biggest challenge throughout the year?
Going out, for sure. There's such a social aspect of food; so much of eating is being with friends and partaking in what others are partaking in. Forever, humans have bonded over the sharing of food. It'd be really hard to meet up with friends, where everyone would be having pizza. It was really hard to be professional and to go to work functions -- you don't want to talk about what you eat with everyone. That was definitely the hardest part.

Did you drink any alcohol?
I drank beer and wine. I tried to drink only beers from breweries I could identify. For me, the premise for what I considered unprocessed was theoretically being able to make it at my house. I could have brewed wine or beer at home. I made mead at home. It's basically the lowest-cost alcohol you can make on your own. Part of the bargain of this whole thing was figuring out how to not put my life on hold. I wanted to try my best to make sure the drinks weren't processed, but also wanted to be able to connect with people.

Did you have any slip-ups during the course of the year?
Of course. I was a single when I started the year and then wanted to start dating. I went out with this guy who sort of ordered food for us in this really macho, annoying way and then food came and I didn't know what to do. It was a sushi roll. White rice is processed, but I decided to make an exception. I immediately regretted it, especially because later in the date I found out that the guy didn't believe that global warming was a real thing. I write about food and the environment so that's kind of a deal breaker. What are you gonna do? When you eat out, it's so hard to know what's in your food. I'd ask so many questions, but at some point you have to move on and hope for the best.

What was the first thing you ate when your year was up?
A Sonoran hot dog and a Diet Coke. The Diet Coke tasted terrible after a year without soda. It tasted like straight chemicals. Actually, I've totally kicked the soda habit -- it just doesn't taste good to me anymore. I used to eat more snack foods, like packaged cookies, chips and stuff like that. Now that snack food genre stuff doesn't make me feel good or keep me full. That was a nice sort of side effect of the year -- a lot of these processed foods are still kind of invisible to me and my cravings.

What was the most surprising thing you learned about processed foods?
I started reading ingredient labels on everything I bought. I was shocked to see how many foods have unnecessary processed ingredients. There's sugar in everything. Deli meat has sugar. Mustard, marinara sauce, it all has sugar. The ingredient labels on food are kind of incredible. Once you start reading them its sort of impossible not to. That was sort of shocking to find out: Companies add so much sugar and layers of chemicals to make food last longer and taste better. I'm now an impulsive ingredient reader.

What changes did you notice while on your unprocessed diet?
I felt full. I felt really full all year. I've dieted on and off my whole life and I'd done the yo-yo diet thing. Eating unprocessed meant that I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full and didn't think beyond that. I was really satiated -- I was eating richer, whole foods like butter and yet I didn't gain or lose weight, I just sort of equilibrated. It was really liberating. I didn't start doing this as a diet, but it was a nice side effect to be able to eat whatever I wanted within the confines of unprocessed and feel full and satiated.

Did you discover any new favorite foods along your journey?
I got into habits. I'll now make big pots of beans or grains at the beginning of the week. It's such a time-saver and way cheaper than buying canned beans or going out to eat. I had to find "shortcut" foods, brands that I knew I could mindlessly buy. Now I have this sense of what brands tend to not put extra things in their food. I have unprocessed radar now.

Now that the year's over, what's your diet like?
I probably eat 90 percent unprocessed. There will be a meal or two a week that I'm out with friends, and it's really nice to be able to not think about it. But for the most part, a year created a lot of habits that were easy to keep sticking to.

What advice can you give to people who want to limit their intake of processed foods?
The first and simplest piece of advice I have is to read the ingredient label of everything you buy. When you start looking at what's in your food, you'll start buying things that are better. The next step beyond that is to buy foods without ingredient labels -- oatmeal, bananas, single food items that you can combine yourself at home. Even if you're not much of a cook, you can prepare simple foods at home, like sandwiches, salads and pasta. If you prepare food yourself, you have so much more control over what you're eating. You'll have to spend more time prepping in the beginning, but once you start to find the habits and the things that work for you, it'll start becoming part of a routine and not so time consuming at all.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Jun 24th 2015, 14:29, by Lisa Capretto

When the sun beats down and the summer heat crosses the line from pleasant to sweltering, an ice-cold lemonade can really hit the spot. But before you settle for the usual, why not try an even more refreshing elixir? This sparkling lemon-based drink puts a new twist on an old favorite, and just might become your new summertime staple.

Sparkling Lemonade Elixir
Recipe by Healthy Grocery Girl Megan Roosevelt



Ingredients
12 oz. sparkling water
Half a lemon
1 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar
1 to 2 tsp. pure maple syrup


Directions

Pour the sparkling water into a large glass containing ice. Using a citrus press, squeeze the juice from the lemon half into the glass. Add the vinegar and syrup (use more if you like your drink sweeter), then stir. Serve with a straw and enjoy!

Pairs well with: Farro and White Bean Veggie Burgers

Berrie Diabetes Center waiting room
(photo: Rob Taub)

The Naomi Berrie Diabetes Center was founded by a diabetic, philanthropist Russell Berrie and supports a unique combination of researchers and clinicians. I have traveled as far as North Carolina (Duke Diet and Fitness Center) to treat my type 2 diabetes so I was pleased to learn that the Berrie Center was located near my home in in New York City. According to the Center's website: "Everything about research at the Center is dedicated to shrinking the gap between scientific research and its practical application--so as to raise the prevention, diagnosis, and treatment of Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes to new levels."

A doctor's time is precious and they aren't often able to discuss medical topics with laypeople. Since I write and speak frequently about diabetes, I recently had the good fortune to sit down with Dr. Domenico "Mimmo" Accili, the Russell Berrie Foundation Professor of Diabetes at Columbia University Medical Center.



Dr. Accili is a scientist, and while we discussed his research, for me the most impactful part of our conversation was about prevention rather than treatment. "One in three Medicare dollars is spent to care for diabetics," explained Dr. Accili, "so taking the best care of yourself is very important. Delivering treatment to diabetics is not the challenge, people need to talk to one another about the disease," he said. "Compared to the magnitude of the problem, we don't talk about it enough."

When you're told you have cancer the reaction is immediate and the patient's behavior is always proactive. As Dr. Accili explained, "Diabetes is often not tangible like other diseases so the patient does nothing, even though the disease is gnawing at you. For a type 2 diabetic a strict diet and good exercise is often the best medication against the disease."

"Preventive medicine versus reactive is bigger than just diabetes and is something we must address," said Dr Accili. "The Berrie Center sees 14,000 patients a year. (11,000 of these patients are type 2 and 3,000 are type 1, yet we have not even begun to make a dent into the diabetic population of New York. If we can effectively intervene against obesity we could help so many more of these patients with their diabetes."

According to Dr. Accili, a 5% loss of total body weight can have such a dramatic affect it could result in a 40% decrease in your lifetime risk of becoming a diabetic. If you already are a diabetic, losing weight will help you manage it better. Prior to being diagnosed with diabetes, I exercised regularly but knew nothing about a proper diet and this led to obesity and ultimately diabetes.

Prevention is paramount at the Berrie Center. Besides endocrinologists, cardiologists, and ophthalmologists the Berrie Center also has nutritionists to help patients with their diets as well as a kitchen where diabetics can learn how to prepare healthy meals. Before one even becomes a patient at the Berrie Center the first thing they do is sit through a class where you're taught about the prevention and management of diabetes. The Center offers supermarket tours to teach patients about carbohydrate and sugar content in foods. You then meet with a nutritionist and go on to see a doctor. Not all of this is covered by insurance so in providing these extensive services the Berrie Center incurs substantial losses. This brings us again to the subject of prevention. It's ironic that health insurance, Medicaid and Medicare will help towards the cost of dialysis but not for preventative treatment that could avert the kidney disease that eventually requires such extreme treatment.

Dr Accili believes we need three pillars of society to treat diabetes: education, prevention and research for better treatment. "People know smoking is bad for them and that certain foods will raise their cholesterol," he said. We don't have anything similar for diabetes. A sugared beverage is one of the worst things that can happen to your pancreas but look at how many people drink them, because they don't understand the consequences." We both agreed that limiting the size of a sugared beverage in a fast food restaurant will not help people. "It's hard to legislate good habits," said Dr. Accili. "It has to be learned that obesity and diabetes are manageable through prevention, but they are very hard to treat."

Sharing information with others is clearly an effective way to help people. My mission as a diabetic is to learn as much about prevention as possible, and as Dr. Accili advised, keep talking to people.

Here's a condom that will show your partner's true colors.

Three students took home first prize in the health category at the U.K.'s TeenTech Awards on Tuesday for inventing a condom that changes colors if it comes into contact with a sexually transmitted infection. A layer of molecules in the condom, dubbed the S.T.Eye, attach to bacteria and viruses associated with common STIs and the reaction then causes the condom to emit one of four colors, MTV reported.



The condom can only detect certain strains of infections, according to Buzz60. For example, it turns green if it detects chlamydia and purple for HPV.

More than 100 innovators presented their ideas at the event in London, which aims to uncover "real opportunities" in the current STEM workplace.

The three students from Isaac Newton Academy won about $1,500 and a trip to meet Prince Andrew at Buckingham Palace, according to The Washington Post.

"We wanted to make something that made detecting harmful STIs safer than ever before, so that people can take immediate action in the privacy of their own homes without the often-scary procedures at the doctors," Daanyaal Ali, 14, one of the inventors, said in a statement. "We've made sure we're able to give peace of mind to users and let people act even more responsibly than ever before."

Ellie Davies grew up in an ancient forest in England -- the sort of place where fairy tales, both dark and whimsical, are set. So she understands firsthand that woodlands can exude a magical aura difficult to capture with the stark reality of a photograph.

"We enter the forest laden with cultural reference points from fairy tales, history, myth and folklore," she told The Huffington Post. Which is why she graces her images with starry skies captured by NASA. The result? A glistening, fantastical-looking scene composed entirely of natural elements.

"I think some images in the series are [...] brooding and dark, some are uplifting or unnerving," Davies said. A brief chat with the artist revealed more:



What inspired your "Stars" series?
I grew up in the New Forest, an ancient forest in the south of England. It was originally seized by William I in about 1079 in order to create a deer hunting forest and it is now preserved as a National Park. I spent a huge amount of my childhood playing in the forest with my twin sister, building dens and making dams in the forest streams, learning to forage for wild mushrooms and plants, cycling and walking with our parents. The forest was a very important part of my life, but I live in London and it is so easy to become caught up in an urban environment, losing your connection with wild places and finding them alien when you return. I use the woods like a studio space. They provide a scene, or a backdrop into which I carry out small interventions which lead the viewer inside. The process of making, constructing or inscribing within the forest space allows me to mediate my own relationship to the woods.

The "Stars" series is inspired by looking at the balance between how our ideas of landscape are constructed by the culture we live in and by our own experiences of these natural spaces. We enter the forest laden with cultural reference points from fairy tales, history, myth and folklore. Our ideas about the forest are overlaid with received knowledge, especially for those of us living in urban spaces where we are so far removed from the natural world.

This series combines vast starscapes taken by the Hubble Space Telescope with forest landscapes shot in the New Forest. It considers the fragile nature of our relationship with the natural world by interposing images of the intangible and unknown universe with these ancient forests. It creates a new experience of the woodland, one which draws the viewer into a mystery at the heart of the forest, and offers the potential for discovery and exploration. My work allows us to find our own place within this process; to make even fleetingly a space of our own and a way to exist within it.



The star photos are of course from NASA -- from where did you get the forest images?
I made the forest images in the New Forest in Hampshire and in Puddletown Forest in Dorset. I have just been working on some new images for the series in Fontainebleau in France, but have not released these images into the series yet.

The images make something as large as a galaxy appear as local and intimate as a clearing in a forest. Why did you hope to create this effect?
I wanted to bring these remote and unreachable starscapes into the forest spaces as a way to explore how I experience the forest, how it can feel distant, disconnected and vast but at the same time shimmering with possibility and tantalizing allure, familiar yet unfamiliar.

What was one of the biggest challenges in creating these images?
Most of my work involves a lot of walking with my kit on my back, often in the rain. It doesn't sound that fun, but I absolutely love it. I like to work in gloomy conditions because it gives an amazing richness to the colors and I love the quiet that comes when I am the only person in the woods, standing still and just listening. So the most challenging part of this series was probably those days spent shooting in the rain, clad head to toe in waterproofs with an umbrella sheltering my camera from the elements.

What mood did you hope to invoke with these images?
This series of images explores our different cultural perceptions of the forest and how this plays into our experience of these spaces. These constructs come to us through media, history, psychology, conservation, and so on, and range from framing the forest as a benign leisure facility all the way through to a place of danger, unknown horrors and as a metaphor for the unconscious mind. My images explore these layers of meaning, encouraging the viewer to make their own interpretations.

I think some images in the series are fantastical, others brooding and dark, some are uplifting or unnerving. I feel that my photographs hold elements of dark and light, mystery, narrative and intrigue. I try not to impose a narrative on the viewer and I love that different people find such different things in my work.

Are there artists creating similar work -- in any medium -- who you enjoy?
I love and have been influenced by everything by Nicholas Hughes, Jem Southam's "Pond" and "Rockfall" work, Ori Gersht's "Rear Window" series, Martina Lindqvist's "Ragskar Island," Jitka Hanzlova's "Quiet Forests" and Jo Metson Scott's "Ethereal Forest" installations. I'm not sure exactly how this work has influenced me, but I know it is inscribed on my brain and it filters into my work, the way that I look at the landscape and the possibilities of photography.

One day I want to make some work in the mountains and combine my two passions in life: climbing and the landscape. Probably the most precious photo book I own is Boomoon's Stargazing at Sokcho –- the eerie, cold, quiet mountains transport you to another world.

PYONGYANG, North Korea (AP) — Warnings are appearing on Instagram accounts in North Korea that say access to the popular photo-sharing app is being denied and that the site is blacklisted for harmful content.

Opening the app with mobile devices on the North Korean carrier Koryolink has resulted in a notification in English saying: "Warning! You can't connect to this website because it's in blacklist site." A similar notice in Korean says the site contains harmful content, though that is not mentioned in the English version.

Such warnings have also appeared when websites that link to Instagram are accessed through desktops or laptops using LAN cables on the North Korean Internet provider. The warnings have been appearing on and off for at least five days.

The Internet and any kind of social media remain off-limits to virtually all North Koreans, but North Korea decided in 2013 to allow foreigners in the country to use 3G on their mobile phones, which generally require a local SIM card to get onto the Koryolink mobile carrier network.

That opened the door for them to surf the Internet and post to social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. More recently, even live-streaming video had been posted using the new Twitter app Periscope.

Photos from North Korea on Instagram posted by foreigners — though regular users are very few in number — provide a rare window on daily life in North Korea. But they have also posed a quandary for North Korean officials who are highly concerned about the flow of information and images in and out of the country.

Tech support staff at Koryolink said they were not aware of any changes in policy regarding Instagram. There has been no notice from the government or from the mobile phone service to its customers that Instagram has been blacklisted. Instagram officials had no comment when contacted by The Associated Press. Instagram is owned by Facebook, which is functioning normally in Pyongyang.

It was still possible to use the app, despite the warnings, on some mobile devices. But attempts on others to post photos or view user galleries through the standard Koryolink connection have been virtually impossible, suggesting that some access was indeed being obstructed.

It was unclear where the blockage was originating, how widespread it was, whether it was a hack of some sort or if it had any connection to a fire on June 11 at a luxury hotel often used by tourists and foreign visitors in Pyongyang. Photos of the fire leaked out of the country and were carried widely by media around the world. But the fire has not yet been reported by the North's state-run media.

Besides Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites were also functioning normally. Other websites were viewable as usual even on mobile phones on which Instagram was not functioning.

It is estimated that more than 2 million North Koreans now use mobile phones, but with few exceptions they are not allowed to access the Internet, meaning the mobile service is available primarily to foreign visitors, residents and businesspeople in the country.

Andrea Lee, CEO of Uri Tours, which organizes tours to North Korea, said she was not aware of a policy shift toward blocking Instagram.

"We have been using Instagram to post photos from our (North Korea) tours since Koryolink, the local provider, announced that 3G SIM cards would be available to foreigners for purchase," she said. "While I'm unaware of this recent shift in policy toward blocking Instagram, I hope this will be a temporary policy as it's been a great tool for our company to show prospective travelers what our tours are like and to get people motivated in traveling there."

She added that the SIM cards are priced more for the long-term frequent traveler, and usually tourists who are in the country for just a few days opt not to purchase them. "But those who do possess the SIM card have near open access to the web, including social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Google and many other sites that have historically been blocked in places like China."

Great news for London locals and tourists: Starting September 12, the Underground's new Night Tube will run for 24 hours a day on certain lines.

According to Transport For London, the five lines running round-the-clock routes are Central, Jubilee, Northern, Piccadilly and Victoria. The new Night Tube hours will apply on Friday and Saturday nights, meaning travelers will be able to get home in the wee hours of Saturday and Sunday mornings, hopefully saving an average of 20-60 minutes on commutes by bus or taxi.

Transport For London cites a 70 percent increase in passenger demand for the Night Tube as the major reason behind expanded Underground service hours. The Night Tube will be ready in time for the start of the Rugby World Cup on September 18.

Below is a map of the lines running the new hours:


Image courtesy of Transport For London

Happy Tube-ing!

H/T Mashable

ROME (AP) — The wait was on the long side for the pizza -- 18 hours -- but this was an extraordinary pie: 1.59545 kilometers, or nearly a mile long.

More than 60 of Italy's best pizza-makers worked through the night to create the pizza at Milan's world fair, Expo 2015. Their toil was rewarded with a proclamation by Guinness World Records judge Saturday that it was the world's longest pizza. Expo organizers said the record-setting pie, made with 1.5 tons of mozzarella and 2 tons of tomato sauce, weighed some 5 tons in all.

The creation topped the record of a 1.1415-kilometer-long pizza made in Spain.

Fair-goers could eat slices of the Milan pizza for free. Slices of long, rectangular pizzas with various toppings are a popular street food in Italy.

We all need help maintaining our personal spiritual practice. We hope that these Daily Meditations, prayers and mindful awareness exercises can be part of bringing spirituality alive in your life.

Today's meditation features a song by American folk group Hem. "Seven Angels" explores the notion that there is always someone or something looking out for us -- and that realization may bring us some measure of peace.



Seven Angels by Hem

Sleep come easy to your bed this night,
Seven angels hold you in their light.

One holds the candle,
One holds the crown,
One holds the moonlight
Shining down.

Dream of fortune in the world below.
Seven angels in the afterglow.

One holds the lantern
Deep in the mine,
One holds the daylight
Left behind.

One holds the lightning,
Flashing then gone.
One holds the Sun
Waiting 'til dawn.

Norway's Women's World Cup team is combating sexism in their own special way: By pretending to admit that they suck at soccer.

With the help of Norwegian journalist Nicolay Ramm, women's national team members Trine Rønning, Ingrid Hjelmseth, Emilie Haavi and Cathrine Dekkerhus produced a short satirical segment stringing together all of the sexist criticisms they face within their sport. It's a video that ESPN's Stephen A. Smith, one of the most popular sexist commentators in sports media, might want to take notice of.

Seconds into the video, Rønning, Norway's captain, fesses up to women's soccer detractors. "We're shit. We suck, plain and simple," she tells Ramm with the sort of cold, candid face of admission that one would expect out of Lance Armstrong.

The players, acknowledging how inferior they are physically compared to men's soccer stars, even come up with a list of tricks and rule changes to "make the game easier."

"Smaller pitches. That's what it takes. We feel like ants running around," Rønning suggested.

Ramm's segment, produced for NRK, also addresses how beautiful Norway's women's team is, because that's all that really matters when females are allowed to play soccer: how the pretty ones look in tight shorts, right? Dekkerhus is identified as "Norway's hottest female soccer player," something that she's said has hurt her career: "My teammates fell in love with me ... Lesbians everywhere. It's teeming with them."



Norway's Maren Mjelde bends the ball to score a game-tying goal against Germany on June 11.

Norway's World Cup run ended yesterday with a 1-0 loss to England in the knockout stage, but when it comes to mixing satire and sexism, these women deserve the Golden Boot.