The Sarcasm Report v.184

January 27, 2014
Why Norovirus Is So Nasty and Terrifying to Travelers

“The virus is not killed by alcohol sanitizers. It survives and can be infectious on surfaces,” he said. "People who are infected will shed the virus for days after their symptoms resolve. This is a real problem for food workers on cruise ships. Lastly, if you go into a bathroom that has been used by someone who has the norovirus, you can get sick.”

Compare and contrast that to the following.

At least one travel agent said her clients seemed unfazed by these occasional outbreaks.

“It’s really nasty,” Peggy Knipp of First In Service Travel in New York City said of the norovirus. “But we haven’t seen any decrease in cruise booking. Unfortunately, it’s as common as getting a cold.”

She said people are more apt to pay attention to hand washing and may bring sanitizers in their luggage, but they don’t want to stay home.

Nothing says paying attention like bringing sanitizers to fight a virus that cannot be killed by alcohol sanitizers!

January 16, 2013
Doctors Warn of New Stomach ‘Superbug’ Hitting U.S.

Because no one has immunity to this new strain, more Americans — perhaps 50 percent more, the CDC says — could become violently ill.

While the flu is spread mostly in the air by sneezes and coughs and a person needs to breathe in as many as 1,000 virus particles to get sick, the norovirus is far more contagious. Just 18 norovirus particles can make a person sick.

My advice? Get yourself into a small enclosed area with many travelers from all over the world. Turn keeping your food down into a game. 50 bonus points for the spicy burrito combo platter with large orange juice! You can't win if you don't play!

And lastly, has there ever been a better time to invest in the shares of Royal Caribbean Cruises? Buy high, sell higher! What's the worst that could happen (again)?

Keep in mind that this *is* a sarcasm report. Any advice offered should be taken with a grain of salt doused in bleach.