The Pulp Fiction of Rising Interest Rates

The following chart shows the annual average of the 5-year CD rate at national banks.


Click to enlarge.

I'm not a religious person, but I do believe Jules would summarize this "rising interest rate" environment best.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

I'm certainly not a sarcastic god by any stretch of the imagination, but I am fully prepared to strike down upon Forbes with great sarcastic vengeance and furious sarcastic anger! It certainly wouldn't be the first time.

January 13, 2014
Forbes: Rising Interest Rates: Are They Good Or Bad For Retirees?

Allow me to pull the 10 key points from the article for you (including the title).

1. "...rising interest rates..."
2. "...rising rates..."
3. "...rising interest rates..."
4. "...rising interest rates..."
5. "...rising interest rates..."
6. "...rising interest rate..."
7. "...rising interest rates..."
8. "...rising rates..."
9. "...rising mortgage rates..."
10. "...rising rates..."

And finally, here is one of the true "Jules" of the article. It is the example that set all of this rant in motion.

For example, investors might finally be able to go to the bank and get CDs at 5-6 percent, which is impossible now, offering higher potential income for retirees.

Hahaha! Good motherf@#$ing luck on that motherf@#$ing miracle happening any time soon! The average 5-year CD at national banks currently pays just 0.48% (as of January 8, 2014). That is definitely the lowest rate I have ever personally seen (and I was born in 1964).

This is not investment advice. They are just the free motherf@#$ing opinions (in the spirit of Jules and Pulp Fiction of course) of an anonymous blogger on the Internet. Do with them what you will. :)

Source Data:
St. Louis Fed: Custom Chart