The Sarcasm Report v.176

July 6, 2013
CNBC may tinker with primetime

CNBC saw some of its lowest ratings in May since 2005, according to Nielsen. In 2012, CNBC was off 13 percent in its core audience.

I'm still glued. I love to see analysts fight over a stock. You know. One says that it will rise by 10% and the other claims it will rise by 20%. That's great info for me. I just average their estimates, assume I'll earn that over the long-term, and then go on spending sprees at my local Sears, J.C. Penney, and Radio Shack.

And don't even get me started on how useful Mad Money and Fast Money are to me. I love both of those shows so much that mere words can barely do it justice. Mad? Yes! Fast? Yes! It's the only way to make risk-free money over the long-term now that the economy has been horribly crippled and disfigured.

In fact, I use the information I get there to compete with other people also getting their information from there. It's like getting inside information that's actually shared with everyone. Not only that, but this mechanism really levels the playing field between retail traders and institutional traders. I'm watching a TV with some crazed guy pushing sound effect buttons but they only have supercomputers and advanced trading algorithms! What could possibly go wrong?